I Don't Have All the Answers and Thats Okay

I have been a Christian since I was six years old. While this is a good thing, sometimes it makes it difficult to understand those who do not wish to be a Christian. I know this sounds hyper-spiritual, but Jesus has always been my best friend. Most of my life I haven’t been good at making friends so I held onto Him tightly every day.



When I have tried to talk to those who don’t know Him, I have come up short in giving an answer for what I believe. As a child Ididn’t have to have it all mapped out to me. I just believed. Jesus never gave me any reason to not believe, so I stayed in my comfort zone.



I stayed in church, my husband was a believer, I had my church friends, my church schedule, and my church secretary job. There were challenges in my life, but I never came to a crisis of faith.



One day things changed. Something happened. I left my job and had to come face to face with the reason I am a Christian. People had hurt me and I was bleeding inside. I wanted people to know that I was hurting, but I soldiered on. I had always been a ‘church girl’. I had to decide if I was just a church girl or if I was God’s girl. Did I still love God even without church and the Christian trappings? Was there a place for me?



This trial took a year to work through. Jesus never left me. He remained my best friend. He showed me that it didn’t matter what happened to me, He was the same that He had always been. I had to lean on Him more because my friends were gone, I no longer had ‘my church’, my job, or my health.



I remember not having an answer for people when they would say something like, “When I stand before God, He will weigh all the good things I have done against all the bad things and I believe that I have been good enough to make it in.” When I tried to explain that the only way to ‘make it in’ is through the Blood of Jesus and asking Him to forgive their sins, they were sure I was wrong.



In the book, I Am Second, by Doug Bender and Dave Sterrett, close to the last page there is something that really stood out to me. It said that when a person is brought to trial for a crime, the judge doesn’t weigh all the good things against the bad thing the person is accused of doing. The good things don’t matter. The thing that matters is whether he did the crime. We all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. We all need a Savior. We have all done the crime. We all deserve the punishment...BUT GOD...made a way for us. Jesus took the punishment for our crime. Freedom from sin is ours if we just ask Him.

I have found a church home, begun taking my writing as a serious occupation, and found that when everything I have known has been stripped away from me, Jesus is still there. He will never leave me or forsake me. I must walk more closely to Him.